This Co-sleeping Mama Shuts Down Haters With One Brilliant Facebook Post

Disclaimer: Co-sleeping and Bed-sharing. It’s like the plague if you’re not on board with it. Some moms love it, some moms hate it, and some moms hate to love it. Regardless of where your baby sleeps, it’s up to you to provide a safe environment. As the author of The Smother Mother blog I have endured a ton of scrutiny from sharing this blog post. Some vicious mothers even accusing me of being creepy for naming my blog using the word “smother,” as if it correlates with bed-sharing and suffocating my child. Before you decide to harass me with that nonsense, take a quick look around my website, you’ll see I am head over heels in love with my child and would never do anything to purposely endanger him.

Now, without further a do, let’s get to the story of how one mama shut down all of her co-sleeping, bed-sharing haters with one simple Facebook post.

Faleesha S. was tired of being bashed for her decision to co-sleep with her baby so on May 22nd she took to Facebook to speak her mind. Not long after she posted, her status went viral and received 5.3K likes, 8,848 shares, and 992 comments.

As a fellow smother mother, who also co-sleeps, we wanted to spread the love by sharing Faleesha’s story. Read on to see how this co-sleeping mama shut down her haters with one brilliant Facebook post.

Co-sleeping, Bed-sharing Mama Shuts Down Her Haters

This Cosleeping, Bedsharing parent

Something I frequently hear when the topic of co-sleeping comes up is:

“You’ve created a monster,”

“Obviously she controls your house,”

“Why would you let her be dependent on you like that? 24/7?”

There are two categories of people I would like to address here;

Non-parents and parents.

First, non-parents: YESSSS, my baby who has never experienced any part of life other than the small world she knows because I’ve shown it to her is completely dependent on me. If that’s a shock to you, pleaseee don’t have kids for a long time.

I’m 1/2 of the pair of people that are solely responsible for teaching her or making sure she learns how to survive in this world. This world that is absolutely terrifying to adults who (think) they know everything. I can’t bring myself to let her cry all the while wondering why her means of comfort, love, and survival isn’t coming to get her.

You know when you really need someone so you call them over and over and they just don’t answer? Isn’t that terrible? Imagine not having the mental capacity to understand that the person you’re calling for is busy?

Don’t judge my parenting until you’ve tried it yourself.

And parents; Have you ever said, “Wow, I just cuddled and loved on my child too much. Oh how I regret spending those moments doing that?” No? I’ve never heard that one. But I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard parents say how they wished they could hold their baby one more time and smell the sweet baby smells.

Have you ever said, “Wow, I just cuddled and loved on my child too much. Oh how I regret spending those moments doing that?” No? I’ve never heard that one.

Every parent with a toddler with scraped knees, 5 year old who is afraid of the dark or teenager with a broken heart says “I wish I could take away their fear/pain.” Wouldn’t you if you could? Because right now I can.

My baby isn’t scared, lonely, or cold in my arms at night. She won’t remember it, but for a few hours a night for a few short months, she won’t have to worry about anything other than being comfortable and nursing when she wants/needs to. I don’t think I’ll regret giving her that.

She won’t need me forever. Someday she’ll sleep more than a couple hours a night in her own bed. When that times comes (hopefully) we’ll both be ready. Until then, I’m here to be anything she needs me to be.

Right now, she may not know it yet, but she’s learning about love. I want her to have anything she needs from me. Someday when it’s over I hope to not have to wonder if I’ve given her enough. Growing up is hard, tonight doesn’t have to be.

Someday when it’s over I hope to not have to wonder if I’ve given her enough. Growing up is hard, tonight doesn’t have to be. 

So for everyone who has called me a push over, or her a brat, this is for you! Thank you for reminding me that the rest of the world isn’t always so nice. So for her, I will be.

Here’s my baby furnace keeping me warm inside and out, because she told me she needed me tonight. And may tomorrow be another day that she has the courage to be independent in her exploration of her brand new world because I’ve given her the confidence that I will always be there when she calls. 💜

Note: By saying this I am in no way insinuating that people who chose not to co-sleep are bad parents. Everyone makes decisions that best fit their family and their baby. This is about ours.

 

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What are your thoughts on co-sleeping and bed-sharing? I encourage you to share your relevant thoughts in the comments below. Having trouble getting your baby to sleep? Check out: How to Lay Down a Drowsy Baby Without Having to Army Crawl Out of the Room

 

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Author: Smother Mother Kate

Katelyn isn't a regular mom. She's a cool mom and creator of The Smother Mother.

33 thoughts

  1. Except for the fact that she could smother and kill her baby by co-sleeping with her. Not co-sleeping has nothing to do with depriving or withholding love and everything to do with safe sleep

    1. Thanks for your comment Marisa. We’re all entitled to our own opinion, especially as mamas! I am sorry if you got the impression that non-cosleeping mamas are depriving their love from their babies. That was not my intention of this post. I shared Faleesha’s story because us mamas who DO choose to cosleep always get judgement passed that we’re just “letting them rule our lives” but that’s not the case at all. Sometimes it’s just easier, and sometimes we like the extra cuddles. You do whatever works for YOUR family. Thanks again for your input. -Kate

      1. I am surprised by the importance you give to others opinion. Is your child and you feel what is best for him. It was a time when I ve got advice about this, don t feed him sooner then 3houares s. o. Every child is different. So you should proceed different. When my baby was small i heard him breathing and I new when he was ill or had a bad dream in seconds. My father was a veterinarian and he asked my: have you ever seen any animal who diesn t sleep with the baby or feedeng him by the clock?
        Finely your child will separate anyway in a few years.

    2. There are ways to sleep safely together, education and following the guidelines for co-sleeping are important. People have slept with their children for hundreds of years, it was always the biological norm to keep a child close at night.

    3. Bull***

      Especially breastfeesing mothers but not only are super aware. As long as you follow the rules, it is safe.

    4. It depends if its done safely, and if the child is breastfed, in which case its no riskier than the infant being in its own cot, in the same room. Putting an infant to sleep in their own room is even riskier than bed sharing. You will find lots of evidence based facts here: http://cosleeping.nd.edu/

    5. Marisa, what are you saying it’s not correct. Before saying as a fact something like “kill her baby” I will recomend you to get more informed. Information is power, and in the path of the maternity it really worth.

    6. 😂😂😂😂 people all over the world co-sleep. It’s the norm pretty much everywhere except the US. It actually lowers the risk of SIDS or other issues if done correctly and safely.

    7. Yes sadly the coalescing is not an issue about “loving too much”. We can never love or hug too much. It’s about the danger of smothering, and sadly our emergency room doctors and pediatricians have seen this way too often. Just happening once is too much when it’s completely avoidable.

    8. I have chosen not to co-sleep with my first one for the above mentioned reason and later regretted and missed it, so I have been co-sleeping with the second one until now (17 months), also still nursing my DD. I never hurt her… and I have no intention of stopping. My husband is co-sleeping with a three year old in the other room 🙂

    9. I am not a parent, so can’t comment on safety or preference or right and wrong but I do feel like I’d have that fear since I am a really heavy sleeper. It’s super chilling that the author is called ‘smother mother’… I hope nothing bad ever happens, it would be so heartbreaking 😞

      1. Hi there! I am the author and my name is Katelyn, I created the blog: THE SMOTHER MOTHER. I wanted to clear
        Something up for you regarding your comment “chilling that the author is smother mother.” The name did not come from smothering babies.. My friends tease me all the time that I’m a “Smother mother” because I give my baby too much love and attention.

        Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. If you look around you will see I blog about attachment parenting advice.

    10. That’s an idiotic comment. Did you know that it’s scientifically
      Proven that SIDs and suffocation are LOWER when mom and baby bed share? Did you know that almost every other country in the world has a family shared bed and incidents of SIDS and suffocation are almost non existent? If you are not impaired (drugs, alcohol for ex) there is no way you are going to harm your child. Do some research before making an asinine comment.

    11. Actually, the literature states otherwise. The increased risk for bad things to happen applies mostly to mothers who are not breastfeeding their babies. The studies actually show that mothers who breastfeed and co-sleep significantly reduce the risk for SIDS in the first year of life over babies who sleep alone. There is data to show that breathing is regulated by being in close contact with the mother and that sleep cycles will synchronize, making mom more sensitive to baby’s changing positions and movements in bed. As long as there is firm bedding and no loose bedding around baby, co-sleeping is actually protective in breastfed babies. The AAP will never endorse it, because sadly the US is not very pro-breastfeeding, at least not for extended periods of time. But in other countries where extended breastfeeding is the norm, the data is pretty compelling.

      1. Wonderful to hear! Thank you so much for your kind words. (As you can see, some of the comments have been a bit scary, so it’s refreshing to hear some positive input on the cosleeping topic!)

  2. There are actually more crib deaths than cosleeping deaths. If certain criteria are followed with cosleeping, it is the safest environment for baby.

  3. I don’t co sleep as much as I would love to only on nights my baby girl needs me, as shes got a nursery set up in our retreat same room, my mother had 7 children coslept with us all I think it’s a wonderful thing my husband and I both love giving our girl cuddles ☺

  4. I am an ER doctor I see at least one infant a year come in blue and dead from being smothered to death while Cosleeping. At the age of 2years old my kids cosleep but infants should not!!

  5. I’m also an ER physician and I’ve had 5 cases in 8 years of cosleeping deaths. I can’t begin to tell you what those screams sound like when you turn to a mom and say you are stopping the code and the baby is dead. They truly pierce your soul as a fellow mom.. My last one mom woke up with 2 month baby under arm. I don’t know how those moms go on knowing their choice killed their child.

  6. I did co-sleeping and, now my child is 7 (and sleeping by herself) I’m so glad I did. Her sense of emotional safety and expressiveness is palpable, and she feels no boundaries or restraint in communicating with me. I think that’s due to the attachment approach we took.

    When she was very little I put her in a co-sleeper and then carried her round for the rest of the day. Then she just slept in the bed for years. Got all sorts of criticism for it (rod for your back, and all that, but it was my back so my choice), but fortunately lived in progressive London where it was more normal.

    When you co-sleep the main carers sleep patterns change. You sleep more lightly and wake up if there’s a problem. Trust your body. Don’t drink or take drugs if you do it, also not when you are ill or too tired. If you are really worried put them in a co-sleeper or in the same room – they need to smell you and touch you every so often. Pay attention when they start to roll!

    If you can’t do it, fine, just keep them close with lots of cuddles. That’s all.

  7. Gosh. Interesting you shared her post because she’s angry she is judged for co-sleeping. The impression I get (no matter what her last comment is) is that she Is superior as a mother who chooses to co-sleep, which is very sad. I have co-slept with all 3 of my babies on occasion, through shear exhaustion and the fact that they will not settle without me next to them. However, I cannot describe the fear I have felt when I realise that I have fallen into a deep sleep whilst breastfeeding them. This is the reason I only co-sleep as a last resort. Also, I don’t sleep very well for fear I could smother them. Definitely each to their own.

  8. Cosleeping is a term used to describe any form of sleeping together with your baby including sofas and armchairs which are extremely dangerous to fall asleep with a baby on. Also most studies into cosleeping don’t rule out other risk factors, drinking, drugs, smoking, other children in the bed, duvets, lots of pillows, not breastfeeding and actually Kate a big risk factor is not planning on co sleeping! Those that are aware their baby is in their bed every night and practice safe bed sharing enjoy far more benefits of a baby alone in a cot. Ever since humans began mums and babies have been sharing sleep think of it in evolutionary terms, a baby had to sleep with their mum for survival. The only thing that has changed is our sleeping set ups soft mattresses and duvets obviously aren’t safe! But overlaying is highly unlikely unless one of the other risk factors are present. Bed sharing can actually reduce sids risk because the babies heart rate, breathing etc sync with mothers. In one study they found when the baby had a period of apnea, the mother took a deep breath and the baby followed suit actually saving their lives. Also the smell of milk means they sleep less deeply. Sleeping deeply is a massive sids risk factor. So totally agree with this mums post and so sick of everyone thinking they know it all because they heard about a baby being suffocated- read the proper scientific research and you will find that common knowledge is usually far from the real truth! The majority of babies suffocating is on sofas and armchair or slipping under duvets which would not be there had you planned to cosleep safely.
    The benefits of bed sharing should be told to all new mums rather than scaremongering them into buying all this stuff to help their baby sleep when all they really want is to be next to their mums!

  9. From an anonymous reader who inboxed me:

    I co-slept for 6.5 months. We didn’t intent to, in fact my husband was very much against it. The first few nights at home, it was clear my little girl did not want to be on her own in the Moses basket, so I brought her into bed with me. The first few nights were terrifying, what if I rolled onto her, what if she fell out of the bed!?! But we soon learnt each other’s nooks, and the best was to be comfortable. She’d wake in the night and I’d pop my boob into her mouth and we’d both eventually fall asleep again. This worked for us until she was 5 months old, my husband had moved into the spare room, as she was starting to take up more space started to kick out! She also started to wake more often, and not because she was hungry. Every 1 to 2 hours! During the day she started to nap alone, I knew it was time to try her in her own room at about 6 months, it took a while, but she now sleeps so much better, usually going at least 4/5 hours at a time! I miss her our night time cuddles, but we are both now getting the sleep we need!

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