“Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves. Ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it’s overwhelming. All we can do, is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison
There are days my lungs refuse to take in air. The muscles refuse to expand and contract to relieve me from the pain. I plead with my head and heart to stop thinking long enough for me to inhale, exhale, and repeat.
Bad days happen no matter how long I have had to grieve and cope and process. Today is one of those days.
My heart aches.
Everyone tells you that “time will heal.” But it really doesn’t. Time is just a band-aid. At any given moment that band-aid can start to get worn and maybe even peel off a little. Your wound gets exposed. Those are the days when I completely lose it and just get lost in my emotions.
Those days are usually marked on the calendar. The anniversary, the birthday, a holiday. Days like those, I should really plan around because that’s when it seems to hurt the most.
But I have learned that it’s perfectly okay to miss you on those days. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back and be sad, because it is sad. And no matter how much time goes by, it’s still sad and you still matter.
The heartache remains.
I try to remind myself that it’s a blessing to miss you this much. It just means that I had someone that was so unbelievably incredible, that has made saying goodbye so impossibly hard.
No one can really plan for this type of hurt. Sure, everyone is afraid of losing somebody. But you don’t actually understand the degree of hurt until you experience it.
It’s a punch to the stomach.
I will never let go of you. I will never let go of the sweet memories that we made. You made the world a more beautiful place.
Rest easy, my angel.
This post was originally published by Katelyn Rhoades on Medium