In Celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to lift up all of the Mother’s out there who’ve lost their sweet babies from a miscarriage.
Miscarriage, also referred to as pregnancy loss, is a term used for a pregnancy that ends on its own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation.
It is estimated by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, that at least 10 to 15 percent of all pregnancies result in a pregnancy loss.
The following story you’re about to read is from my brave friend, Hannah Rae.
I’ll give warning now that this will be long, sad and to some maybe tmi but it’s MY real:
Last Mother’s Day, my husband gave me the gift of starting our journey to have a baby. Three months later we made the decision together that we would put off actively trying for a few more months just because of how busy we were and being tight financially.
Well, God laughs when we make plans right?
The next morning (Aug 30) during the hustle and bustle of getting the boys ready for school (and keeping Harper overnight), I handed Harper to Matthew so I could go to the bathroom and I decided to take a pregnancy test. Low and behold, the word pregnant popped right up!
I wasn’t quite sure what to think… I walked out of the bathroom and looked at Matthew (in the middle of getting ready to start the day) and said “uh, ha, I’m pregnant”, he said verbatim “you’re joking right?”, to which I replied, ”Nope! Look!”, and he responded with, “Well…ok then!”, and thus we began the journey to welcome a third child into our home.
We made the rounds and surprised our family with our good news, told our Facebook friends and family, created a Baby Collins FB album, etc.
We couldn’t have been happier!
My grandmother volunteers at a pregnancy center so I was able to get in there for my first ultrasound (Sept 20) since we didn’t have any health insurance yet while we did what we had to do to get insurance for myself through Medicaid as ‘medically needy’.
We went for my first ultrasound (and instead of being 8 weeks like we had thought, I was only 5 weeks and 4 days along. We got pictures and were told to come back in two weeks to be able to hear our Baby Bean’s heartbeat.
We went back to the center for our second ultrasound (Oct 4) and heard the news that changed us as people, a couple and a family. Our baby had stopped growing just four days after our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 1 day and we were told I would miscarry.
Exactly two weeks later (Oct 18) while I was at work I started to bleed. I immediately told my boss and she came right home so I could go to the hospital with Matthew and my mom.
From the time I was told I would miscarry until actually going through the physical trauma, even though it was just two weeks, it gave me time to somewhat wrap my head around what had happened.
The people at the hospital couldn’t have been more sympathetic and loving, the nurse that checked me in even hugged me and told me she would keep me in her prayers. I’ve never had a male OBGYN so that was something that gave me anxiety since I wasn’t able to pick my doctor in the ER but he quickly eased my mind and took really good care of me.
I was given one dose of Misoprostol (the pill that cleans out your uterus) before leaving the hospital and given another to take the next morning. The pure agony that the pill caused with contractions was indescribable, I would expect that level of pain when delivering a fully developed 8 pound baby, but not my tiny little Bean.
After leaving the hospital we were off to the pharmacy to pick up my pain medication and the ride there was the most horrific car ride I’ve ever been on because of the extreme amount of, not only physical pain I was in, but the emotional pain, too.
I also want to mention that my memory surrounding all of this is so shot, I don’t remember what happened what days, everything runs together.
Nine days later (Oct 27) I went back to the hospital for my re-check, but I wasn’t prepared for what I was in for.
The Misoprostol hadn’t cleared my uterus and I was admitted to the hospital, for the first time in my life, to have a D&C – dilation and curettage, basically just cleaning it out manually. It was the first time I had to ever go under anesthesia and my first surgical procedure.
We didn’t just lose a pregnancy, we didn’t lose some lifeless mass of cells like so many like to make it seem like, we lost our BABY!
One week from tomorrow is my due date. I’m supposed to be preparing to go into labor and bring my baby into the world right now. Instead, I’m preparing for my dog to give birth instead of me.
It’s been seven months since we’ve lost our baby and a year this month that we’ve been trying to have one. Month after month, negative after negative.
Being a mother is the only thing I’ve ever wanted in this life, if you asked me as a child, I would have told you I didn’t even care if I was married or not, I just wanted a baby of my own, regardless of how it came about!
I am so beyond blessed to have the title of ‘Stepmom’ to my two incredible boys and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but adding the title of ‘Mom’, and not just ‘Loss Mom’, wouldn’t hurt.
Please reach out and recognize those with angel babies and not just earth babies this Mother’s Day!
Pictured above: I got the top portion of the tattoo for my mom a few years ago and the bottom portion tonight as my Mother’s Day gift. The ultrasounds are from our first visit to the center.
Miscarriage Statistics and What You Need To Know
According to the March of Dimes, miscarriage (also called early pregnancy loss) is when a baby dies in the womb (uterus) before 20 weeks of pregnancy. For women who know they’re pregnant, about 10 to 15 percent end in miscarriage.
Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) happens in 1 to 5 percent of pregnancies.
As many as half of all pregnancies may end in miscarriage. We don’t know the exact number because a miscarriage may happen before a woman knows she’s pregnant. Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy later.
Signs and Symptoms of a Miscarriage
Signs of a condition are things someone else can see or know about you, like you have a rash or you’re coughing. Symptoms are things you feel yourself that others can’t see, like having a sore throat or feeling dizzy.
Signs and symptoms of miscarriage include:
- Bleeding from the vagina or spotting
- Cramps like you feel with your period
- Severe belly pain
If you have any of these signs or symptoms, call your provider. Your provider may want to do some tests to make sure everything’s OK. These tests can include blood tests, a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. An ultrasound is a test that uses sound waves and a computer screen to show a picture of your baby inside the womb.
Many women have these signs and symptoms in early pregnancy and don’t miscarry.
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